Total Eclipse of the Mind

Once upon a time, I was falling in… ha! There’s your ear worm. Turn around, bright eyes. Every now and then we fall apart.

There is a rhythm to this illness, a strange syncopation of the synapses as conducted by one f*cked up composer. The melody one moment dominated by a slow swell of sweet cellos, next punctuated by an accelerated staccato piccolo that pecks at your eardrums with increasing speed.

One moment sings distant, forlorn and fragile, the next a strange tarantella racing through your mind. The rhythm fractures and mutates, leaving you dancing on tip-toes under the control of a maniacal metronome. Continue reading “Total Eclipse of the Mind”

13 Ways to Talk About 13 Reasons Why

13 Reasons Why is everywhere, and I am still seeing people argue with school boards, mental health associations and suicide awareness centres over whether or not the show is *good*. No one claims it is not a good television series. It is also, however, socially irresponsible.

So, let’s stop arguing and find a way to help kids/people think critically about bullying and suicide. I humbly offer my suggestions below, and hope they give you somewhere to start. Continue reading “13 Ways to Talk About 13 Reasons Why”

Memories of a Bullied Nerd

I went to five (five!) different elementary schools ’cause we moved a lot, so I was always the new girl, the nerd girl, the cross-eyed girl, the steals-my-solo girl, the outsider, the weirdo, the freak. Because I’d skipped a grade and was born in October, I was also the youngest.

But I thought if I could somehow be better, the other kids wouldn’t be so mean. I was so f*cking naive. Big brain, not a clue.

Recess was torture. The schools were small, and the herd mentality was well established. In dodgeball, I wasn’t a target. I was a piñata. Not only would I be chosen last for a team, but the team that wound up with me would simply sit down and go on strike. The other team would be furious and taunt me until I just tiptoed away, crying.

I was nine. Continue reading “Memories of a Bullied Nerd”

How 13 Reasons Why Let Us All Down

HEY YOU: If you are having thoughts of suicide or are making plans to end your life, please call 1 (800) 273-TALK – or visit this website to chat online with someone who really can make things better: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org (US and Canada). I know they can help because I’ve called them before.

Everyone I know who has watched the hugely popular Netflix series 13 Reasons Why has been absorbed (and obsessed) with its intense storyline about a high school student who commits suicide and leaves behind 13 cassette tapes detailing how her life slid so far downhill.

Each tape names one of her tormentors and explains what they did to screw up her life.

** Spoilers ahead, and discussion that will probably upset sensitive readers ** Continue reading “How 13 Reasons Why Let Us All Down”

Exposé Reveals Local Hospital Saving Lives

LONDON, ON – In a shocking revelation, we learned today that LHSC is treating suicidal patients as if their lives are worth something.

“They removed anything I could use to kill myself,” one patient said. “I came here because I wanted to hurt myself, and they wouldn’t even let me try!”

Suicidal patients who were still visibly breathing shared how badly they were mistreated by hospital staff, describing the safe rooms in which they were kept, and the obscene lack of privacy as medically-trained professionals monitored their behaviour – removing their right to execute their plans to harm themselves. Continue reading “Exposé Reveals Local Hospital Saving Lives”

A Peek Inside A Suicidal Mind

TRIGGER WARNING:
This post contains content that may affect even mildly sensitive people. If you are upset, depressed, or thinking of harming yourself in any way, please look here: http://suicideprevention.ca/need-help/ . Or call 800-273-TALK.

Mom warning: you will not enjoy this post. It is very suicidey (which is now a word). You will read things you cannot unread and that you will think about for a while. Seriously.Suicide hotline 800-273-TALK

But I have committed to shedding light on what having Bipolar I Disorder feels like from the inside, so I’m addressing something very few people will talk to you about.

Suicide. Continue reading “A Peek Inside A Suicidal Mind”

My 7-Day, Mexican, All-Inclusive, 5-day Vacation

How much I love to fly

My entire family just returned from a fantastic trip to a 5* resort in Mexico, where our every whim was catered to, no request was too outrageous, and no buffet was shown a shred of mercy. Twenty of any family would be loud and boisterous. This twenty of my family knows a lot about decibels and how to raise them, uncontrollable belly laughs and how to solicit them, and what it feels like to be part of a clan.

Being around them in large doses has always triggered my anxiety. So does flying. I’ve spent the last month working with the doctor and therapist on coping skills, including carrying around a bottle of sedatives to be taken four times a day. Or sometimes, four times an hour. Whatever gets ya through, right? Continue reading “My 7-Day, Mexican, All-Inclusive, 5-day Vacation”

AJ Lee: Bullshit is your Superpower

AJ Lee means nothing to me. I’m not a fan of melodramatic violence as entertainment, so I’ve never encountered her image or name before. But she does have a book coming out (Crazy is my Superpower, coincidentally). It is the story of her life from her perspective: she is bipolar. Not has, is.

These are words from her blog post announcing the arrival of her sure fire bestseller:

By Flickr user Starship PaintOne day I made the choice to stop throwing myself a pity party. I chose to stand up and fight… Continue reading “AJ Lee: Bullshit is your Superpower”

Yes, Bipolar is my Superpower

One recent afternoon, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed when a headline caught my eye. The summary indicated that the TV show Homeland should stop romanticizing the main character’s bipolar disorder, or treating it like some kind of superpower.

(There will more on Homeland, bipolar disorder and finding ignorance everywhere in my upcoming first podcast!)

I’d like to respectfully disagree with that opinion. I don’t watch the show, but I’ve read about its depiction of bipolar disorder. The fact is, I don’t know what defines the bipolar experience.

I know what defines MY bipolar experience.

And yes, #bipolarismysuperpower. It’s how I’m going to change the world. Continue reading “Yes, Bipolar is my Superpower”